“god damn you…”

he shakes out in fury,
his voice trembling as he grips
the countertop in his bathroom,
staring blindly at the mirror.

“i loved you, i loved you.”

he is whispering now, staring down
at the counter now, a tan colored
chalky looking pill sits on the
counter, an illegible word on the surface
of the pill, he swallows hard once,
a slight look of fear in his eyes as
he scoops up the pill, feeling the consistency
weird against his skin,
the taste as he drops it into his mouth, feeling
it slide down his reluctant throat.
He crumples to the floor, his knees striking
the cold surface as he grips the wrought metal
of the cabinets handle, coughing slightly
as he cries a little.

“baby, i loved you, oh i love you.”

He moans slightly, as his face rests on the cold floor.

“it is so soft, like he was, like he will
always be...god damn....fuck.”

he grabs a towel, clutching it to his body,
tremoring now, his jaw muscle twitching
as he lays on the floor, his fingers
wrapped fiercely into the towels fabric,
a vibration is heard against the floor,
he rolls over, fumbling to get his
shaking hand into his pocket.

"mm,hullo, i..dont..not ok.
gone..meh"

the phone clatters to the floor and slides out of his reach,
a faint buzzing and a worried voice fills the room,
but he slides back into his towel, his eyes
sliding shut, lips slowly forming words.

"you love me. always will, you know its true,
devin.. oh..god.. i miss you, come back,
you love me...tell me its true...devin, devin
dont leave...devin"

he screams, his voice cracking as he does, some sweat running
down his face, one quaking hand held to his chest,
the veins vivid blue against his ghostly white skin.
A siren and lights flash into the driveway, filling
the dark room with light, his eyes darting quickly,
burying his head into the towel, the reds whites and yellows
breaking through his thin eyelids. A squeak of a shoe
causes him to open his eyes, feeling hands touch his body.

"son, are you ok"

He opens his mouth to speak, then his eyelids ease shut again,
the last thing he feels is a warm hand on his neck,
blackness consuming him, one last tear falling onto the floor.

"devin... thank you..im glad..you came back..you came back"