Oreos$yaoi$ pArt7

it has been a while since i have seen him outside of a few events,
but i still feel deeply for him, he always does come back,i have to
deal with a lot but so does he.
Things will work out they always do, for whatever reason.

I wander over to the computer absentmindly
running my hand through me hair, causing it to stick up worse.
I am lonely, but thinking of him does help, but i still have this
image i can't shake. I see him, over me, looking into my eyes,
i taste him, his mouth, his tougne, i smell him even when he isn't
around. I love to quickly and care deeply i know. I love him, but he
isn't the only one, i remain true of course, but these
thoughts drive me wild, to be here and alone, but out of
respect for him,I remain alone.I drink some of my water
and swallow it. I hear footsteps come up behind me.
I quickly turn around.

"Clay"
"yah, im back"
"its been a while"
"yah, im sorry, been busy"
"I know, but you havn't even called or anything, if i hadn't
been seeing you around at school, i would've been worried,
how come you didn't acknowledge me though"
"Eric baby you know i can't do that"
"Can't even say hi, or smile, i thought you were angry with me"
"look things between us won't ever be accepted or easy,
do you understand what the stakes are if this gets out.
what will happen, sports won't be a possiblity for us anymore
we, well i will be shunned"
" i understand, clay i do, i dont want to hurt you,ever"
"maybe that is the problem, we dont want to hurt each other
so we dont tell each other what we feel, so we just keep quiet"
"I just dont want us to breakup over something small, or over anything
at all really, but it shouldn't be because of small little worries
and ideas people get or have, we just need to be there for each other
no matter what happens, because we are really all one another has"
"You think i have only you?"
"what, someone else knows, someone you can talk to, someone,
who understands what your going through?"
"yes, i do"
"Wha.. who"
"It doesn't matter"
"i think it does clay,i really think it does"
"He is just a friend"
"clay, I trust you i do, but would you leave me?"
"I.. maybe"
"you might leave me"
"Yah, i don't realy think we are communcating enough"
"I try, i don't think it is a good idea"
"what, breaking up not a good idea"
"well.. its just we have been each others all for a while,
and now its just over"
"yah, but it just doesn't seem enough anymore"
"ok, i just don't care"

Eric lowers his head into his hands, clay shuffles a bit
and goes to touch him.

"Clay, please just don't, i love you, i do, please
just, i can't have you here, even though i want
you here just not like this, please, i still want
to kiss you, and touch you i just can't. whatever
you want, i just wish for your happiness, i wish
that you will be happy"

Clay just nods his head and grabs his coat, he leaves.
Eric wipes a tear and shakes. He watchs the car drive off.
He hugs himself, he quickly swings his fist and punches a wall.
He screams and lowers himself to the ground clutching
his hand, blood pouring out, he cries and doesn't stop.
He finally looks up and tears are still streaming down his
face. He goes back to his room, he sees a picture of clay,
he smiles a little and touchs the picture, smiling a little
wistfully.

*if this was easy, i kindof wish it was, but then
i would feel like i has wasted the past couple
of months in a meaningless realtionship, he helped
me, he helped me find myself. for that i thank him. i hope
he is happy out there*